should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
this just has baby written all over it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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