I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
