Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
