Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
