I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
