yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
