I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
