Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
