sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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