wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
