My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
