I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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