can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
