I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And then he peed in my hair
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