i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
