so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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