it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
