She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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