She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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