But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
