Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
