i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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