Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
