your room smells of hookers.
And success
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
