it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
