Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
