Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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