remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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