No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
