1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
