i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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