Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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