There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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