She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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