i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
