Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
