3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
