I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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