I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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