Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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