She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
