mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
