Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You may now shotgun with the bride
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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