I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
