no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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