WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
