she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
NoShamevember. You game?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
