K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Drunk is a universal language darling
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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