you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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