Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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