i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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