I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
