One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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