I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
