I feel great
I just peed on a car
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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